Why It’s Hard to Name Your Feelings

Struggling to Name Your Feelings?

Have you ever been asked, “How are you feeling?” and found yourself drawing a blank? Or maybe you’ve found yourself answering with something vague like “fine” or “tired,” even though you knew there was more going on underneath.

If so, you’re totally not alone. So many people—maybe even most people— struggle to name their feelings. It doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you, it just means you’ve never been taught how. Emotional awareness is a skill, and like any other skill, it can be learned and strengthened.

Why Naming Feelings Can Be So Difficult

In our last post, we talked about how important emotional awareness is for mental health and relationships. But unfortunately, intellectually knowing why it matters doesn’t make it any easier. Here are some of the most common reasons people struggle to identify their emotions:

1. Social Conditioning

Many of us were taught to downplay or dismiss our emotions. Maybe you heard phrases like “Don’t cry,” or “You’re too sensitive.” Over time, these messages train us to tune out our feelings instead of tuning into them.

2. Trauma or Difficult Experiences

For people who’ve gone through relational trauma, it can feel safer to shut down emotions rather than acknowledge them. This isn’t weakness, it’s actually a survival strategy. But it can make identifying feelings more difficult later on, even within the context of supportive relationships.

3. Limited Emotional Vocabulary

Sometimes we know something is going on, but we only have a handful of words for emotions. (Usually happy, sad, angry, stressed.) But the reality is that emotions are so much more nuanced than that. Without a broader vocabulary, it’s hard to pin down what we’re really experiencing.

4. Cultural or Family Norms

In some families or communities, emotions aren’t openly discussed. Certain groups, including men and many people of color, often receive less support around emotional awareness and communication due to socialization and cultural pressures. If you didn’t see people model how to talk about feelings, it makes sense that you’d struggle with it yourself, or even notice that it’s something you struggle with.

A Skill You Can Build

If you’ve struggle to name your feelings, the most important thing to remember is this: it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It just means you don’t have the tools yet.

Like learning a new language, emotional awareness takes practice. And just like any language, the more you use it, the more fluent you become.

Closing Thoughts

Naming your emotions can feel difficult, especially if you were never taught how. But it’s a skill that can be learned, and every step you take toward emotional awareness is a step toward more authentic connection with yourself and others. If you’re thinking “Okay cool, now how do I build the skill?” check out the next post in this series, where we’ll share simple strategies to expand your emotional vocabulary and deepen awareness.

At Havn Therapy Collective, we know that putting words to your feelings can feel daunting at first. Therapy can be a safe space to practice that skill, build awareness, and feel more deeply understood.

Learn more or schedule a free consultation below.