How to Know If My Therapist Is a Good Fit

5 Essential Questions to Ask Yourself

Finding the right therapist is one of the most important factors in whether therapy helps you create meaningful change. Research shows that the quality of the therapeutic relationship (aka the therapeutic alliance) is the strongest predictor of positive outcomes in therapy, even more than the type of therapy used.

But how do you know if your therapist is a good fit? While some of this comes down to intuition, there are a few key questions you can ask yourself as you settle into the process:

1. Do you feel safe with them?

Safety is the foundation of therapy. Just like in any other relationship, trust can take some time to build, especially if you’re someone who’s experienced relational trauma. Feeling safe doesn’t mean you’re always comfortable (therapy often touches on difficult topics), but it does mean you feel respected, not judged, and free to be yourself.

2. Do you feel seen and understood?

Sometimes it’s hard to put this into words, but it’s the sense of “This person gets me.” A good therapist reflects your experiences back to you in a way that helps you feel heard. You don’t have to agree on everything, but you should feel that your therapist is listening deeply and trying to understand your perspective.

3. Do you walk away from sessions feeling moved in some way?

Therapy should leave you with something — a new insight, a sense of relief, or even the courage to take a small action. This “movement” might look like:

• Reflecting further on what came up in session

• Feeling lighter after sharing something difficult

• Feeling motivated to start a conversation with someone important in your life

• Or even just noticing some small shift in perspective

Not every session will feel life-changing, but over time, if you’re truly invested in the process yourself, you should notice a pattern of growth and movement.

4. Do you sense that your therapist is genuinely invested in your progress?

Therapy is a vulnerable space, and one of the most healing parts of the process is feeling like your therapist is truly in it with you. Do you feel like they care about your story, remember the details of your life, and celebrate your wins with you? A good fit often shows up in those small but powerful ways — consistent attention, curiosity, and encouragement.

5. Do you feel like you can push back when something doesn’t resonate?

Your therapist isn’t perfect (just as no human is). There will be times when something they say misses the mark or doesn’t land quite right. What matters most is whether you feel comfortable saying so. Do you feel that you can disagree, redirect, or ask for clarification? Do they seem to invite that feedback? A strong therapeutic relationship allows space for pushback, and a good therapist welcomes your honesty because it helps deepen the work.

Final Thoughts: Trust the Process

Therapy isn’t about finding the perfect therapist — it’s about finding the right fit for you. If you feel safe, seen, supported, and free to be honest, you’re probably in a good place.

And remember: it’s completely okay to shop around when you’re looking for a therapist. It’s okay to change your mind if the fit doesn’t feel right. And it’s also okay to outgrow a therapeutic relationship that once served you. Growth is part of the process — and finding the right connection is what makes therapy truly powerful.

At Havn Therapy Collective, we know how important that fit is. That’s why we offer a welcoming space to explore whether we’re the right match for you. If you’re curious about starting therapy, we’d be happy to schedule a free phone consultation so you can get a feel for the process.